I’ve been busy with a variety of writing projects lately, including articles for clients, for myself, co-authoring an eBook on exercise related abdominal cramps, and at least one book I hope to put up for publication by the end of the summer. My brain has begun complaining of fatigue. ‘I’ve been working and working for you. Feed me!’ (Yes, my brain talks to me.)
If you want to trawl the internet for linguistic entertainment, there’s really no better place to start than the Home page of your Google Plus account. Pay attention to the Spam folder as well, for you can find great riches there (just not the sort of riches the sender intended).
Exploration began with an article about Winners and Loosers. There was spam mail from a general contractor whose services included ‘floor striping’ and ‘dinning room refinishing’. There was an invitation from SweatCandi to visit her personal webpage. She described herself as a real cutty with nice bobbs, who liked to take her clothing of. Opps, don’t tell anyone!
CNN.com can often be relied on for a linguistic chuckle. There was an article about the Ex-Egyptian President. Well, he was an Egyptian before, what is he now? (A writer of my acquaintance once wrote something about an ex-Hispanic consumer, and was chagrined when I suggested the consumer was probably still Hispanic.)
I wish there were a technique for loosing weight—it would be faster and much easier than all that dieting. And perhaps we have leapt to a conclusion, and the contractor specialises in bowling alleys, and noisy rooms.
These are simple mistakes to make. Being something of a purist when it comes to language, my concern is that English is one of the most beautiful languages in the world, and this sort of carelessness threatens the integrity of our tongue. (There’s another one, ‘tounge’!) We really need to pay attention to how we write, before a precedent is established.
This week I posted on Facebook a humorous picture I’d found on Pinterest. It said ‘Your the best teacher ever!’ I mentioned two teacher friends in the comment section, and they went to town on me. The first one thanked me and said I should have known better that to write ‘your’ instead of ‘you’re’. I said it was a joke. The second teacher commented that I spelt ‘joke’ right, so at least I was paying attention to ‘grammer’. I corrected that (‘grammar’), and the first teacher remarked, ‘It was a JOKE.’ These two women have never met, so either they share professional solidarity on a psychic level, or they’re part of the same coven. If they know my high school geometry teacher, I vote for the latter.
These examples led me to wonder how it would be if the same mistakes were made, but in the opposite direction? (I’ve had to take some liberties here, so please pardon me.)
I suppose someday we’ll be treated to a story about a girl who volunteers at hospital as a candy stripper, and who sweets during exercise. Her father drinks Cutey Sark. Her brother’s name is Boob. They meet at the dinner for diner once a week. Her mother is on a diet and her clothing is loser. There’s an uncle no one talks about because he’s a spy, working in Clandestine Oops. He’s so mysterious no one ever know what he’s thinking off.
I hope I’ve made my point.
Paul TN Chapman
If you enjoyed reading this, please take a look at my eBooks on Amazon.com:
Behind These Red Doors: Stories a Cathedral Could Tell : http://amzn.to/1iGMFUp
Lives of the Ain’ts: Comedic Biographies of Directors Errant: http://amzn.to/1nPvqoc
The Inn of Souls: http://amzn.to/1lD7xjJ
You can also see a reading of excerpts of each book by clicking on the links below#
Behind These Red Doors: Stories a Cathedral Could Tell: http://bit.ly/1CwIqIN
Lives of the Ain’ts: Comedic Biographies of Directors Errant: http://bit.ly/1t8cF5X
The Inn of Souls: http://bit.ly/1x7ZzE4